Anxiety is a totally natural part of being human. It’s like an internal alarm system that tells you to look both ways before crossing the street or to study a little harder for that big exam—think of it as your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, maybe don’t do that.”

For kids, it’s even more practical: a built-in safety feature with bumpers on a bowling lane, guiding them away from real danger. But sometimes that alarm is over-sensitive, going off at the tiniest squeak or the tiniest worry, which can turn everyday life into a high-stakes game of whack-a-mole.

If you’re a parent of an anxious child, you know the joy and challenge of this landscape. Understanding their fears and figuring out how to help them cope isn’t always easy, but there are practical strategies you can use at home to support them and help them manage their anxiety.

Before we dive into strategies, here’s a simple picture of what anxiety can look like in kids. Unlike adults, who might talk about worries more easily, children often show anxiety through behaviors such as:

• Physical symptoms: stomachaches, headaches, or tummy rumbling with nerves.
• Trouble sleeping or wanting to cling to a parent.
• Avoidance of activities they used to enjoy.
• Fussiness, irritability, or frequent crying.

These anxieties are like developmental milestones. Just as you expect a baby to start crawling or a toddler to begin talking, you can also expect certain fears to appear and fade as they grow.

• Early Infancy (0 to 6 months): An infant’s world is small and centered on their caregivers. Their primary fear is loss of support or a sudden loud noise, which is why a calm and secure presence is so comforting to them.
• Late Infancy (6 to 8 months): Around this age, babies develop a clear idea of who their primary people are. This leads to shyness or fear around strangers, a sign that they have formed strong, healthy attachments.
• Toddlerhood (12 to 18 months): As toddlers become more mobile, they also become more aware of being separate from their caregivers. This brings on separation anxiety. That tearful daycare drop off is a normal expression of their growing independence and their deep connection to you.
• Toddlerhood (2 to 3 years): A toddler’s imagination begins to blossom, which can be both wonderful and a little scary. They may develop fears of loud noises like thunder, the dark, large animals, or even the vacuum cleaner. These fears stem from their new ability to imagine things they cannot see or fully comprehend.
• Early Childhood (4 to 5 years): Preschoolers start to grasp more abstract concepts, which can lead to fears about things like monsters under the bed, ghosts, or death. Their minds are trying to make sense of a world that is much bigger and more complex than they previously thought.
• Elementary School (5 to 7 years): As children enter school, their world expands dramatically. Social situations, academic performance, and new information can create anxiety. They might worry about specific things like germs, natural disasters they hear about on the news, or getting a question wrong in class.
• Adolescence (12 to 18 years): For teenagers, social connection is paramount. Their greatest fear often becomes rejection or judgment from their peers. This social anxiety is tied to their deep need for belonging as they navigate the path to adulthood.

These common fears are part of the typical landscape of growing up. They usually resolve on their own as a child matures and gains more experience.

However, when anxiety stops being a temporary response to a specific situation and starts interfering with a child’s ability to go to school, make friends, sleep, or simply enjoy being a kid, it may have crossed the line into an anxiety disorder. This is when the feelings become pervasive and disruptive to daily life.

Anxiety is not just a feeling; it is a full body and mind experience. It shows up in three interconnected ways: physically, mentally, and behaviorally.

Recognizing these signs is crucial for understanding what your child is going through. It is like seeing the tip of an iceberg; the worried thoughts are visible on the surface, but there is so much more happening underneath.

The Physiological Component

The physical sensations of anxiety are caused by the body’s fight or flight response. The brain perceives a threat, real or imagined, and floods the body with adrenaline to prepare for action. This can feel incredibly uncomfortable and even frightening for a child who does not understand why their body is reacting this way.

Common physiological symptoms include:

• A racing or pounding heart
• Sweating, especially in the palms
• Rapid, shallow breathing or hyperventilating
• Muscle tension, leading to aches and pains
• A feeling of restlessness or being unable to sit still
• Nausea, stomach aches, or “butterflies” in the stomach
• Headaches

For a child, these feelings can be confusing. A stomach ache might not be seen as a sign of worry about an upcoming test; it just feels like a real stomach ache. They may complain of feeling sick frequently, especially before school or social events, without connecting it to an emotional cause.

The Cognitive Component

The cognitive part of anxiety involves the thoughts, worries, and fears that loop in a child’s mind. These are not just fleeting concerns; they are persistent and often exaggerated distortions of reality.

A child with anxiety might catastrophize, imagining the worst possible outcome in any situation. A small mistake on a homework assignment becomes proof that they will fail the entire grade. A friend not saying hello in the hallway becomes a sign that they are hated by everyone.

These cognitive distortions are powerful. They convince the child that their fears are rational and that danger is lurking around every corner. Their thoughts become a constant narrator of what could go wrong, creating a cycle of worry that is difficult to break.

The Behavioral Component

The physiological and cognitive components of anxiety drive the behavioral responses. When a child feels physically awful and their mind is screaming “danger,” their natural instinct is to escape or avoid the source of the fear. Avoidance is the hallmark behavior of anxiety.

Behavioral signs may include:

• Avoiding people, places, or situations that trigger anxiety. This could mean refusing to go to school, avoiding birthday parties, or being unwilling to speak to new people.
• Irritability or outbursts of anger. Anxiety can be exhausting, and when a child feels overwhelmed, they may lash out because they do not have the words to express their distress.
• Clinginess and a constant need for reassurance from a parent or caregiver.
• Tantrums, especially when pushed to face a feared situation. For a child, a tantrum can feel like the only way to communicate the intensity of their panic.

These three components feed each other. A worried thought (cognitive) leads to a racing heart (physiological), which reinforces the belief that something is wrong, prompting the child to avoid the situation (behavioral).

This avoidance provides temporary relief, which unfortunately teaches the brain that avoidance is a good strategy, making the anxiety stronger the next time.

As a parent or caregiver, you are in a unique and powerful position. You can unintentionally reinforce the cycle of anxiety, or you can help your child build the skills and confidence to manage it. Your response to your child’s anxiety can either validate their fears or empower them to face them.

When a child is anxious, a parent’s instinct is often to protect and rescue. It is painful to see your child in distress. You might allow them to skip the soccer game they are nervous about or answer questions for them when a stranger speaks to them. While these actions come from a place of love, they can send the message, “You are right to be scared, and you cannot handle this on your own.”

The alternative is to become a coach. A coach does not play the game for the player. A coach validates the difficulty of the challenge, teaches the necessary skills, and instills the confidence to get on the field. You can acknowledge your child’s feelings without agreeing with their anxious thoughts.

You can be their partner in bravery, helping them take small, manageable steps toward facing their fears.

This approach helps them develop resilience and proves to them that they are more capable than their anxiety makes them believe.

Helping a child manage anxiety is not about eliminating the feeling entirely. It is about teaching them how to respond to it. The goal is to give them a toolbox of strategies they can use when the alarm bells of anxiety start ringing. These tools empower them to calm their bodies, challenge their worried thoughts, and face situations instead of avoiding them.

Here are some effective strategies you can practice with your child.

1. Belly Breathing
When we are anxious, our breathing becomes shallow and rapid. This can make us feel dizzy and even more panicked. Deep belly breathing, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is a powerful tool to counteract this. It sends a signal to the brain that it is safe to relax.

How to do it: Have your child lie down comfortably. Ask them to place a hand or a small stuffed animal on their belly. Instruct them to inhale slowly through their nose, imagining they are filling their belly up like a balloon. They should feel their hand or the toy rise. Then, have them exhale slowly through their mouth, as if they are letting all the air out of the balloon, and feel their belly fall. Practice this for a few minutes each day when they are calm, so it becomes a familiar tool they can use when they feel stressed.

2. Guided Imagery
The mind is a powerful thing. Just as it can create scary scenarios, it can also create peaceful ones. Guided imagery uses the imagination to transport a child to a calm and safe place, providing a mental escape from stress.

How to do it: Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine a place where they feel completely happy and safe. It could be the beach, their grandparent’s house, or a magical forest. Encourage them to use all their senses. What do they see? What do they hear? What do they smell? What can they feel? By immersing themselves in this calming scene, they can distract themselves from their worries and lower their body’s stress response.

3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Anxiety causes muscles to tense up. Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that involves purposefully tensing a specific muscle group and then releasing the tension. This helps a child become more aware of the difference between tension and relaxation and gives them a physical way to let go of stress.

How to do it: Have your child get comfortable. Guide them to clench the muscles in their toes as tightly as they can for five seconds, then release the tension and notice how it feels. Move up the body, tensing and relaxing different muscle groups: their legs, their stomach, their arms, their hands, their shoulders, and their face. It can be made into a game, like squeezing a lemon with their hands or trying to touch their ears with their shoulders.

4. Distraction
Sometimes, the best way to stop a worry cycle is to shift focus completely. Distraction is not about ignoring the problem forever, but about taking a short break from the anxious thoughts to reset the brain.

What to do: Engage your child in an activity that requires concentration. This could be a puzzle, a game of “I Spy,” counting all the blue objects in a room, or listening to music. The key is to choose something that occupies their mind enough that there is no room left for the worries.

5. Supportive Statements
Validation is one of the most important things you can offer an anxious child. When you validate their emotion, you are not agreeing with their fear. You are acknowledging that their feeling is real. After validating, you can instill confidence.

What to say: Instead of saying, “There is nothing to be scared of,” try saying, “I know going to a new school feels scary. It is okay to feel that way. You are brave, and you can handle new things. I will be right here to pick you up at the end of the day.” This statement has two parts: “I see you and your feeling is real,” followed by, “I believe in you and your ability to cope.”

6. Open Ended Questions
Anxiety can feel like a big, confusing mess of feelings. Open ended questions help a child untangle those feelings and put words to their experience. This helps both of you understand the root of the worry.

What to ask: Instead of asking, “Are you worried about the test?” which can be answered with a simple yes or no, ask, “How are you feeling about the math test tomorrow?” or “What is on your mind about the party this weekend?” These questions invite a conversation rather than a one word answer.

7. Positive Self Statements
Children learn how to talk to themselves by listening to how you talk to yourself and to them. Modeling positive self talk is a powerful way to teach this skill. When you face a challenge, say your positive thoughts out loud.

What to model: If you are struggling to assemble a piece of furniture, you might say, “This is tricky, but I can figure it out if I follow the instructions step by step.” This shows your child that it is normal to feel challenged, and that the response is persistence and self encouragement, not panic. You can also help them create their own positive statements, such as “I can do hard things” or “This feeling will pass.”

8. Reinforcement
It is important to praise your child for acts of bravery, no matter how small. However, it is equally important to provide reinforcement for things that are not based on performance. This helps build their self worth outside of their achievements.

What to reinforce: Praise them for their effort, not just the outcome. “You studied so hard for that test, and I am proud of your hard work.” Compliment their strengths, like their kindness or their creativity. This reminds them that they are a whole person with many wonderful qualities, and their value is not defined by whether or not they feel anxious.

9. Visuals and Rating Scales
For some children, especially those who are younger or have difficulty with abstract concepts, visuals can make emotions more concrete and manageable. Curriculums like the Zones of Regulation use colors to represent different emotional states, helping children identify and communicate how they are feeling.

How to use them: You can create a simple feeling scale from 1 to 5, where 1 is completely calm and 5 is extremely anxious. When your child is worried, you can ask them, “What number are you at right now?” This gives you a quick way to gauge their level of distress and helps them see that their anxiety is not always at a level 5.

10. Coping Toolbox
A coping toolbox is a physical box filled with items and activities that help your child relax or distract themselves when they feel overwhelmed. Creating the box together can be an empowering activity.

What to include: The contents will be unique to your child, but some ideas include a stress ball, a small notepad and pen for drawing or writing down worries, a calming glitter jar, a favorite small book, a scented item like a lavender sachet, or a list of their favorite distraction activities. When they feel anxious, they can go to their toolbox and choose a strategy.

11. Planned Worry Time
This may sound counterintuitive, but scheduling a specific time to worry can actually help contain the anxiety. It teaches a child that they have control over their worries, rather than their worries having control over them.

How to do it: Set aside a 10 to 15 minute period each day as “worry time.” During this time, your child is allowed to think, talk, or write about anything and everything that is worrying them. When a worry pops up outside of this designated time, you can gently remind them, “That sounds like a good thing to think about during our worry time later.” This helps prevent anxiety from taking over the entire day.

These strategies are not quick fixes. They are skills that require practice, patience, and consistency. By integrating them into your daily life, you can help your child build a foundation of emotional resilience that will serve them for years to come.

If your child’s anxiety is severe, persistent, and significantly impacting their ability to function and enjoy life, it may be time to seek professional support. An occupational therapist or social worker specializing in pediatric mental health can provide a comprehensive evaluation and a tailored treatment plan. Therapy can help uncover the root causes of the anxiety and provide evidence based interventions to help your child and your family. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, and it is the best thing you can do to support your child on their unique journey.